• Young people generally share adult understandings of death.
• When someone has died young people may experience grief reactions including shock, denial, guilt, anger and finally acceptance. Often feelings are expressed through actions rather than words.
• Young people tend to turn to their peers for support and consolation. This can be upsetting for parents and teachers who may feel shut out in their efforts to help.
• An immediate reaction to a traumatic experience may be anxiety and stress. This results from the challenge to the young person?s sense of security.
• Like adults, most young people?s reactions diminish over time.

Normal grief reactions

This is all normal.

Helping young people after a traumatic experience

1. Foster a trusting open atmosphere. Discuss what happened to allow for expression of feelings.
2. Answer questions openly and honestly.
3. Show personal feelings and fears experienced during the incident.
4. Allow time for your son to discuss the incident if they wish.
5. React neutrally without shock or disapproval. This will let your son know that the feelings being expressed are normal and acceptable. Be alert if you think your son may need counselling support.
6. Provide information about how people commonly react to traumatic experiences. Reassure them that grief reactions are normal after traumatic incidents
7. Encourage your son to resume sporting, social and leisure activities and re-establish routines as quickly as possible.
8. Be aware that academic performance may e temporarily impaired in the short term.
9. Talk to your son in a calm manner. Use statements such as ?I?m sorry you are having such a bad time at the moment. I wondered if you?d like to talk about it??
10. Be aware of the tendency of young people to turn increasingly to their peers for comfort and support.

TASKS TO COMPLETE IN THE GRIEVING PROCESS

To accept the reality of the loss
Until this is done there is no progress towards healing. There may be some type of denial. Denial often involves either the facts of the loss, the meaning of the loss or the irreversibility of the loss.

To work through the pain of grief
Pain must be experienced if healing is to occur, and expressed if growth is to result. Feeling and expressing pain is healthy and essential. Anything that continually allows a person to avoid or suppress this pain can prolong the process of grieving.

To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing
This may involve adopting new role, developing new skills, reassessing their own sense of self, or of the world. To emotionally relocate the deceased and move on with their life To find an appropriate place for the dead in the emotional lives that will enable them to go on living effectively in the world. Relocation of the relationship and reinvesting the emotional energy in other relationships.

A number of factors will determine a person?s response to a loss. These include:

• who the person was
• the nature of the attachment
• strength of the attachment
• security of the attachment
• uncertainty of the importance of the relationship
• conflicts with the deceased
• mode of death
• history of losses
• individual characteristics
• social environment factors
• concurrent stresses

Please contact the College if you are concerned or if you are have any concerns about your son?s reaction.