Building Resilience in our Boys
Once again, at this time of year when NAPLAN results are presented, another round of OLNA testing approaches, the Bishop’s Religious Literacy Assessment (BRLA) has been completed and WACE examinations loom large, debate often emerges on the merit of such standardised testing and the perceived competition associated with student rankings. Much of the focus centres around the effect such measures may have on the self-esteem and resilience of our students. Many child health experts, sociologists and educational leaders are keen to add their varied and often conflicting ‘expert opinions’ on matters such as the importance of giving praise to students, establishing clear consequences for particular behaviours, and the life lessons that can be learned from occasionally failing and working through some hardship. Within our context at Trinity College, establishing safe conditions and learning environments for our boys to experience opportunities to build resilience is an important aspect of their development as good young men.
It is very important for every person to have a positive mindset and to adopt a view in which we try to remain positive and search for the good in situations, and indeed, in other people. A focus on the positive rather than the negative is an admirable one. However, it is also important to be a realist. In life, difficult situations will present and, at times, negative outcomes will occur. Encountering failure is likely to happen at some point in every person’s life journey. The ability of our boys to bounce back from such situations, often referred to as resilience, will determine their development as young men and greatly add to their character.
While it is vitally important that children constantly receive praise and affirmations for their efforts, and this is certainly a real aim of Trinity College as evidenced by the recent awarding of the Pinder Boor Certificates of Excellence, such recognition must be genuine and appropriate. It is equally important that we do not set up systems that artificially praise all of the time, or systems in which competition is totally removed, or systems in which hardship and/or failure never occurs. This is not how life works!
While promoting every child’s self-worth is an important role for parents and schools (and we should always seek opportunities to affirm and praise our children), we must equally encourage situations where young people, in fact all people, develop a real and genuine sense of resilience. It is impossible to always get what we want, or what we apply for, or to win every time. Experiencing both failure and success helps develop resilience. Making mistakes or experiencing failure is an important mechanism for our overall development. The often used phrase, ‘if at first you don’t succeed try, try again’ may best capture this sentiment. History is marked with many famous examples of discoveries and triumphs that have succeeded after many failed efforts. Developing determination, perseverance and staying committed to the task are all important aspects of building resilience. It is important that we allow some space and create opportunities for this to occur.
Resilience in children can be enhanced by the approach adopted by the significant adults in their lives. I refer to their parents, families, teachers and coaches. Parenting has always required an exceptionally strong set of skills including that of caring, nurturing, encouraging and negotiating. Parenting is also about leading and teaching. The ability to pass on skills, knowledge and attitudes is perhaps the most important parenting skill of all. As parents, we teach by modelling behaviours and attitudes, but we also have wonderful opportunities to teach children explicitly about how to cope with and manage those difficult situations that they may experience. When moments of hardship, failure or disappointment do occur (and life experience would suggest that they probably will), we need to view such situations as ‘teachable moments’ – real opportunities for us to help our children grow and learn from some of these challenges. Recognising and grasping these teachable moments is how parents, indeed all significant adults, can help children become resilient and bounce back from some of the setbacks they will encounter now and into the future. At Trinity College, an important aspect of our vision is to form good young men for others. Establishing resilience is an ongoing task and a vitally important aspect of such formation.
When children are experiencing hardship, frustration and difficulty, our natural instinct as parents (and as teachers) is to step in to remove such struggle and protect them. However, when we focus solely on making the situation better with a quick fix, we may miss valuable opportunities to actually help children learn and grow. The big learning opportunities are often found within problems and may present as unexpected change, loss, rejection, failure, conflict or disappointment. Missing out on selection for a particular team, or not being invited to a party, or failing a topic test, or receiving a consequence for consistently being late are all scenarios that most children are likely to experience at some point in their life. When parents and teachers have mindsets for building resilience then they see such situations as teachable moments. While we never wish these things upon any child, such moments do afford us with a chance to explore lessons about the value of striving for your best, turning difficult situations around and appreciating that hard work and commitment brings reward. While we can enjoy moments of triumph and rightly give out praise when such moments occur, it is equally important to use those occasional moments of hardship as an opportunity to learn and grow. "It is not the amount of times you stumble and fall that matters; rather, it is the number of times you get back up!"
We hope, and indeed we pray, that developing resilience is an important aspect of every boy’s journey into manhood.
Live Jesus in our hearts
Mr. Darren O’Neill
Principal
