Fostering Men for Others
One of the many privileges of being the Principal of Trinity College is having the opportunity to watching the boys and their families and our Staff interact as part of our large College community. The extraordinary number of events - breakfasts, rehearsals, concerts, socials, sports fixtures, camps and many others (although slightly reduced this year!), allow students, families and staff to form important relationships centred on the formation of our young men. This was highlighted to me at a recent Year 12 Graduation Dinner when, upon warmly embracing his son, one very proud Dad remarked, “I have really missed those hugs”.
It is also a special privilege to observe the very special intimate and important relationship between parents and their sons. For many, not much changes over the years. The plentiful and generous hugs and kisses that abound in the Junior School can still be seen in the carpark drop-off in the Secondary School and make a triumphant and welcome return at Graduation time. For others, this overt display of affection and love that manifests itself in the form of a comforting hug or a well-wishing kiss, can ‘go missing’ during the adolescent years.
It was a clear reminder that just as boys develop differently in a physical sense, they also develop differently in an emotional and social sense. It is all a very normal, and sometimes frustrating, part of the emotional growth that boys experience or, in fact, experiment with as they navigate through their formation as young men. It may also highlight the need for all of us to continually examine the way in which we seek to help young men grow in this fast paced and ever-changing world.
At Trinity College, we look to complement and support parents in forming Men for Others. This now includes programs and initiatives that have a real and deliberate focus on recognising and understanding emotions, building respectful relationships, valuing true friendships and respecting and celebrating the role of women. Increasingly, a focus on mental health, resilience and general well-being is emerging within our College and we look forward to a growing focus on leadership.
I recently came across an article by celebrated Australian author Tim Winton where he gave some insight and commentary about the pressures young men face in their emotional development. He suggested that some of our social constructs and false media norms may force boys to hide their emotions away. Tim has a real passion for surfing and comments that in this very relaxed environment, he often overhears conversation amongst boys. He states that he hears 'stuff that wants to make him hug them, stuff that wants to make him cry and sadly, stuff that makes him ashamed to be a male'. He surmises that the boys are simply experimenting with their emotional growth - 'rehearsing their masculinity' as he puts it. The cues and feedback that they receive after each behaviour and interaction will determine the behaviours they will more likely adopt and the feelings and emotions that they may openly share into the future.
Tim Winton contrasts this adolescent struggle with the wonderfully open manner that younger children, particularly boys, will share their feelings and love for family and friends. In his 2018 book, ‘The Shepherd's Hut’, he comments that in children we see, “What beautiful creatures they are. There's so much about them, and in them, that's lovely. Graceful. Dreamy. Vulnerable. Qualities we either don't notice, or simply blind ourselves to. You see, there's great native tenderness in children. In boys, as much as in girls. But so often I see boys having the tenderness shamed out of them”. In helping in the formation of our young men, it is important that we are not allowing tenderness, compassion, genuine care and respect to be shamed out of them!
As a partnership of Family and College, we aspire for the boys at Trinity to be the best they can be and to live in a manner that reflects the values that we share. We hope for them a future that allows them to continue to grow and is based on a set of values that embrace inclusivity, compassion, egalitarianism and awareness of the other. The vision and hope of the Trinity Community is to form young men who are strong yet gentle; determined yet considerate; focussed yet compassionate; courageous yet reverent; proud yet humble; independent yet inclusive; driven yet inquisitive and upright yet loving. Gentlemen for Others!
Live Jesus in our hearts
Mr Darren O’Neill
Principal
